Living Life to the Fullest

"Forget about the future Naweed...just focus on this day...nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow Naweed, so you should enjoy every moment now...we have no control over the future...none of us."

I've probably heard these lines over a thousand times since getting diagnosed a little over 2 years ago, and at first, it would eat me up inside. Don't get me wrong, I am very appreciative of my supporters. But frankly speaking, it's easy to live in the moment when everything is going great, but as soon as your future is in doubt, that mentality is nearly impossible to achieve.

Let's be honest. How many people actually live in the moment? In reality, everything we do and think about today is for the future. This is especially true if you're in your 20's like me; we do everything with the purpose of building a foundation for the future. So you can imagine how difficult it becomes when all of a sudden, your future is in doubt. What's the point of doing anything, right?

WRONG.

I have learned that when times are tough, the worst thing you can do is retreat inside of yourself and stop living your life. I know it's difficult. Trust me, for the first year of my cancer fight, I didn't want to do anything or see anyone. I avoided dinners, parties, religious functions; I avoided just about any situation that I thought would make me uncomfortable or jealous. As you can imagine, I was turning into a hermit, unwilling to leave my comfort zone at home. This mentality was getting me nowhere, but I was afraid of change.

One event changed my mentality for good. In the summer of 2008 one of my best friends from college asked me to speak at his wedding. The wedding was going to happen on the East Coast, and many of my college friends who I hadn't seen in years would be in attendance, not to mention hundreds of strangers.

At the time, I was going through chemo, had no hair or eyebrows, and I was pretty thin. I did not look good. The thought of getting up in front of a large crowd and making such an important speech frightened the hell out of me. I would have declined the invitation just like I had been doing for every party, but this was for a very close friend and it was too important to avoid. So I decided to attend and to speak.

The speech went well. I don't usually get nervous speaking in public, but maybe because of the size of the crowd or the bright lights shining on my head, I was feeling wobbly. After dinner I left the hall to use the restroom, where a guy I didn't recognize complimented me on my words. I thanked him and we began chatting as we returned to the hall.

He told me his name was Ravi. He was about my age, maybe a little older. As it turned out, he told me that his younger sister, one of the bride's closest friends, had passed away from cancer no less than 1 year ago. I literally stopped in my tracks.

I told him that I had heard about his sister and I was sorry for his loss. I also told him what I was going through. Now he didn't know who I was prior to this conversation, but it's safe to say that when he saw me he could tell was dealing with something. We ended up talking for almost an hour, most of it was him giving me words of encouragement and support. It meant so much coming from someone who had experienced such a tragic loss. Ravi and I have continued talking to this day, and despite what he has gone through, he has become one of my most inspirational sources of support.

But consider the chain of events here. If I hadn't decided to attend the wedding, I would never have been there to meet him. If I hadn't given the speech, he wouldn't have recognized me coming out of the restroom. And I hadn't had so much water, I would never have had to use the restroom (thanks Dad for always reminding me to drink lots of water).

Only because I decided to live my life and seize those opportunities, I made a great friend.

I used to get angry when people who hadn't gone through what I have told me to "enjoy life." But I don't anymore. What I learned from these events is that regardless of what is happening in life, good or bad, shying away from living life because of fear,
embarrassment, jealousy or pain can only hurt you more.

The best thing to do is to wake up each day, be gracious for what you have, focus on what you want and try your best to go get it.