Treatment Failure

It saddens me to say that my latest treatment regiment appears to be failing. I got updated testing done this past week and it went in the wrong direction. The results were very typical to those of previous cycles, where I initially responded very well to the treatment, but the effectiveness eventually wore off. It's the exact same pattern I've encountered since the initial treatment cycle in Hong Kong.

My doctors are at a loss. The general opinion is that there is a resistant component to my tumor that refuses to die no matter what treatment I try - and I have tried A LOT. Unfortunately, overcoming this resistance is something my doctors are not sure how to do. It could be that nothing exists in this day and age that can kill these resistant cells. I'm inclined to believe that there is something out there in this world that can cure it, but one can only research so much.

I'm more overcome with frustration and mental fatigue than remorse. I've already come to terms with the fact that I can't control the outcome here - all I can do is fight hard and never quit. But what bothers me more than anything is thinking about how much longer I am going to have to live this compromised lifestyle, with some kind of treatment, doctor appointment or test always waiting for me around the corner. It really is no way to live a life - especially for 2+ years.

I look at my youth and strength going into this as a double-edged sword - good because it has given me the strength to cope with extremely aggressive treatments, but bad because as long as
I can deal with them, I will keep getting them, and I'm going to stay weak and tired.

There is really no plan at this point - we are consulting with many doctors to figure out next steps. I'm sure another door will open, let's just hope it's the right door.

I don't mean to appear weak and negative. In fact, I feel like in these difficult times it's most important to have faith and dig deep to stay positive, and as always, I'll do my best.