This past month

I'm not sure how to really cover everything that's happened in the last month since my post about the whole brain radiation treatments. A few days after we learned about the brain, I was informed by my doctors that the disease had begun spreading rapidly within the abdomen again, only this time, they were out of ideas.

I'm not sure there is any way to react when someone tells you that he believes you only have a few months to live. It's not as if I was completely blindsided. I knew that if my latest chemo regiment failed, there would be nothing left to try. But finally hearing the words is a different story. I don't think there is anything that can possibly prepare you for those words.

I tried to stay positive, reminding myself that this is just one man's opinion. He's not God - he doesn't get to decide what ultimately happens to me. Unfortunately, that is a great attitude to have, but an unbelievably difficult attitude to maintain.

I had mixed emotions, but fear and grief were not in the mix. I stopped being afraid a long time ago when I came to the realization that all I can do is give my best effort and the rest is out of my control. The same thing with grief. The strongest feelings I had were anger and frustration. I always believed, and to some extent I still do believe, that when a person gives his or her best effort in life, that person will achieve his or her goals, no matter what.

I have not cheated myself in this battle in any way. I have done all the treatments, never taking the easy way out. I tried my best not to complain, just to keep my heart beating. I guess I never thought that someone who does things the right way can be denied in life. Maybe I won't be denied - there is always hope.

But like everything else in life, this has been a learning experience for me, and I know realize that a person can do everything right and still not get his way. That's just part of life. I think the important thing is how to deal with those setbacks. Sadly, all the work I've put in to this point to get better would become completely meaningless if I throw in the towel now. It's just not the right way to live. It's not how we get rewarded. I think it's called faith.

So, I will continue fighting this battle the only way I know how - head on. I have a lot more to write about this past month, including my trip to India and my new treatment. Be back later this week.

Whole Brain radiation

This is going to be a quick update. I just wanted to let everyone know that my week of scans did not get off to a good start. The brain MRI from yesterday showed yet another tumor growing on the right side, the 4th one since January and 3rd since June. As the frequency with which these tumors are growing is becoming shorter, my doctor has recommended that I put aside gamma knife radiation and do something to try and treat the entire brain. So, I will be starting whole brain radiation shortly.

I'll explain in detail how it works in my next post, but the hope here is that the tiny microscopic cancer cells hiding in my brain, slowly developing into tumors, will be killed. This way we can completely stop, or at the very least reduce the frequency, of tumors from growing in the future.

Not a great day for me or my family. We were hoping this day would not have to come where we would be faced with choosing this treatment, but it's not in our hands. It just seems like the harder we try to get better, the more I do to get out of this, the worse the situation gets. It's a very difficult test and it makes you question all your beliefs at one time or another. Be back this weekend...

Update

I finished my fifth cycle of chemo this morning. I will be taking a few scans next week to determine exactly where I am in terms of disease in the liver, the brain, or anywhere else in the body. Last time we checked, the liver tumor had shrunk from 5 cm to 1 cm (a very good sign), so here's hoping that next week's scan shows that it has completely disappeared.

As far as the brain goes, I completed my gamma knife radiation treatment exactly 3 weeks ago today, and outside of a few minor side effects, it went well. We still need to check the tumor markers to make sure it was successful, but it worked the first 2 times in different areas of the brain, so I don't see why this time would be any different Next week's brain mri will also reveal if anything new is growing in the brain.

As I've mentioned in my previous few posts, the chemo is really starting to catch up with me now. It has been accumulating in my body since started this regiment back in May, and many of the side effects are beginning to linger for longer periods of time, particularly those related to my nervous system.

Neuropathy in my hands and feet has been the most difficult of my health issues as it effects every single thing I do everyday. Right now it is at a manageable level where I can live my life and do mostly all the things I would normally do. If it gets worse, it would make a lot of crucial and simple tasks, like writing, typing, driving and pretty much anything requiring fine motor skills, very difficult.

I think we're getting close to the finish line, though, so hopefully I won't need to put much more chemo into my body. I want to let the healing process begin.

I'll write more next week as gather more information. Finally, I want to say how happy I am about the Michigan football team's season opening win this past Saturday. If you know me, you know I'm a huge Michigan football fan, and that game was fantastic. I haven't been able to enjoy college football the last 2 seasons because I've been in hospitals going through treatments, but hopefully this year will be different. Go Blue!

Sacrifices of my family

I went to see my doctor this morning. I was supposed to have my next chemo day tomorrow, but because of some low blood counts, my doctor decided to push it to next week. More chemo will reduce my counts to possibly dangerous levels, and as I am just coming off a gamma knife brain radiation treatment, my doctor doesn't want all the hard work and sacrifice we've put in up till now to be ruined because of some other serious complications that could arise. Good decision.

So that means 4 straight days with no doctor's visits. What will I do with myself?

My family is busy fasting as it is Ramadan for us right now, a month that demands incredible sacrifice and patience. Just the fasting alone is a challenge, given the long days and the intense heat, but my family (my parents and brother) have been asked by God to go above and beyond, which they have and continue to do everyday.

This is now the third Ramadan we've spent with me going through some kind of treatment. In the fall of 2007, I was staying at UCLA hospital for three weeks for a stem-cell transplant, all 3 of which came during Ramadan. I remember how difficult it was for my parents. The room was small and dark, but I was suffering so much from that treatment, they decided to sleep there on an uncomfortable couch not even big enough for one person.

Every morning before sunrise, as is required during Ramadan, they would wake up and take a little food out of the tiny fridge in my room, heat it up and eat it, say their prayers and then try to catch a few more hours of sleep. Then, after sunset, they would do the same thing. They never ate well, just enough to barely fill their stomachs, and it was mostly all leftovers from the small room fridge.

They were, of course, exhausted and mentally drained from the fasting, and physically sore from their terrible sleeping arrangements. As if that wasn't enough, my treatment was not going well and I was very sick, so they were incredibly stressed. At many points I wasn't even well enough to sit up and talk to the doctors, so they had to do everything for me.

To make matters worse, I would end up waking them up in the middle of the night to help me with different things, so they really never slept for more than a few hours at a time.

I was often awake when they would get up to eat, and I'd watch them with sadness, wishing they could have been in a better situation. Somehow, amazingly, they made it through the month successfully, their faith and courage pulling them along.

Then, in the fall of 2008, we had to leave in the middle of Ramadan to fly to Indiana for another stem-cell transplant. None of us wanted to be displaced from our home and community during the month, but we had no choice. But again, my parents toughed it out, my dad never missing a single fast or prayer. He was a machine. I handled the treatment in Indiana far better than the treatment in UCLA, so my parents were slightly less stressed. They even let me out of their sights a few times, sleeping back at our temporary apartment, but then coming right back in the morning.

And I haven't even mentioned my brother, who was going through an intense pharmacy school program both years and didn't have the luxury of being with us. He had to do both months alone living in his dorm room trying to focus on his studies while the rest of us were going through tough times, which I know, he was constantly thinking about.

I guess I just wanted to write that I'm amazed at the sacrifices my family members have made these past few years, especially during Ramadan. Most people could not possibly imagine the determination it took to make it through those two Ramadan's with so much additional stress and pressure without breaking down or missing a fast.

I guess some would say that if you have no choice, it just naturally comes from inside of you. But I would argue that my parents and my brother had a choice. They could have chosen to not fast and avoid the additional physical and mental burden. But they didn't, and that makes me very proud to be part of my family.

Because when you have the discipline and determination to push through something, no matter how impossible it seems, you can push through it, and you will hopefully come out the other end stronger.

I'm hoping the remainder of Ramadan 2009 is a much less eventful year, where the only thing my family will have to contend with is not eating or drinking from sunrise to sunset. Piece of cake, right? I shouldn't have mentioned cake.

Gamma Knife - Third Time's a Charm

I completed a gamma knife radiation treatment this past Wednesday to fry my latest brain tumor - the third brain tumor I have now had develop. The gamma knife radiation technology is quite amazing, and has made the treatment of my brain tumors a simple, relatively pain-free half day procedure. As I mentioned in my previous post, the big outstanding question right now is how many more brain tumors might I get, and unfortunately, nobody knows the answer to that. Having the gamma knife done certainly is not as bad as a lot of the chemotherapy regiments I have been through, but that doesn't mean I like walking into that room and having an invisible x-ray laser pointed at my head.

I will resume my chemotherapy on Monday, as we continue to fight the battle with this disease within my body and try to completely eradicate all traces of disease from my liver.

Today is the beginning of a very holy month for my family and many of my friends, Ramadan. Unfortunately, due to the need to keep up my weight and strength while going through chemo, I will not be able to fast, as I'm supposed to do. But during this spiritual time, I do hope that my prayers are answered and I am granted a second chance at life. A chance to accomplish so many of the goals and realize the dreams I have for myself. I think that those who patiently persevere through difficult times are rewarded, so I will continue doing my best to fight on.

More Answers...More Questions

Hey everyone. Well...I mentioned in my last post that I would be going through a series of tests to figure out exactly why my tumor markers started going up again. Turns out there is some good news and some...not so good news (I don't like saying bad news).

I was worried that the current experimental treatment I've been on had failed and the cancer had continued spreading in my liver. Turns out I was wrong. A CT scan taken this past Monday actually revealed that the largest tumor had shrunk considerably, and smaller spots that were suspicious for disease had disappeared completely. Great news, right? Yes, except it doesn't explain why my tumor markers were going up.

Here's the not so good news. Since the lungs/abdomen appeared to have significantly improved, my doctor had me check the brain again with an MRI, and one tumor has been spotted. I will be going in next Wednesday to have it treated by gamma knife radiosurgery.

Now this isn't my first rodeo...it's the third brain tumor I've had, the first of which caused a major seizure, and my third gamma-knife radiation procedure. If you're wondering why this has happened to me 3 times now, it is because at some point in the past few years, tumor cells entered my brain and nested there in various locations, most of which laying dormant. Now, these tumors are manifesting themselves little by little, and there really isn't anything I can do about it right now. My best strategy is to monitor and treat on a case-by-case basis, hoping that sooner or later they stop coming.

To be fair, there is one thing I could do, but it would involve radiating my entire brain and putting me at risk for serious side effects later on in life, and I'm not willing to make that choice unless it's the only one on the table, especially since it doesn't guarantee that future problems won't arise.

I mentioned more questions in my blog post title. There really is only one question in my mind - how many brain tumors will I have to deal with? And the answer is, I have no idea. Nobody does. That's part of this whole "being patient" thing I've had to learn how to do. I need to have faith that one day they will stop coming. It is possible.

So, to recap, I thought my treatment was failing, but it turns out my markers are increasing due to the brain tumor. The treatment itself appears to be working, and the plan is to keep going, as long as my body can take it. We'll treat the brain on Wednesday of next week, and then continue to monitor it through MRIs and treat on an as-needed basis.

More next week.

Patient perseverance

The hardest part of facing difficult circumstances in life is not knowing the outcome of those circumstances, particularly when it's a matter of life and death. In my case, dealing with the side effects of the treatments I have been through and facing the constant ups and downs of this battle would have been much less difficult if I knew everything was going to be ok. But, that's not how things work in this world, and I don't know the outcome. So how do you deal with this stomach-churning, stressful uncertainty? I guess the only way is patient perseverance.

Over the next few days I will be getting tests done to figure out exactly where the cancer is, if it has spread within the liver or from the liver back to other parts of my body, and how quickly I need to act. Then next week I plan on meeting with a doctor to discuss treatment options, however wild and crazy they may be.

Aside from continuing to be proactive to find solutions on my own, there's really nothing else for me to do this week except wait. There hasn't been much for to do in the past few years except wait. That's not to say I haven't done anything with my life, but there's only so much you can do when a doctor's appt, ct scan, blood test, surgery or chemo is waiting around the corner.

So how do I plan on waiting it out this week without letting myself get too worked up? I'll just do what I've been doing for some time now, pray and try and keep my mind still and peaceful. I'll probably throw in some deep breathing as well.

There's a big difference between patient perseverance and stressful perseverance (I'm not sure if that's a real thing, but I'm saying it is). On the surface the person may not appear frazzled or scared, but he could be bouncing off the walls in his mind with fear. Patiently persevering helps to keep the body calm, which is really important.

Obviously, there's no easy way to handle a week like this, but I hope, through my prayers, I can continue to get through it.

Treatment Failure

It saddens me to say that my latest treatment regiment appears to be failing. I got updated testing done this past week and it went in the wrong direction. The results were very typical to those of previous cycles, where I initially responded very well to the treatment, but the effectiveness eventually wore off. It's the exact same pattern I've encountered since the initial treatment cycle in Hong Kong.

My doctors are at a loss. The general opinion is that there is a resistant component to my tumor that refuses to die no matter what treatment I try - and I have tried A LOT. Unfortunately, overcoming this resistance is something my doctors are not sure how to do. It could be that nothing exists in this day and age that can kill these resistant cells. I'm inclined to believe that there is something out there in this world that can cure it, but one can only research so much.

I'm more overcome with frustration and mental fatigue than remorse. I've already come to terms with the fact that I can't control the outcome here - all I can do is fight hard and never quit. But what bothers me more than anything is thinking about how much longer I am going to have to live this compromised lifestyle, with some kind of treatment, doctor appointment or test always waiting for me around the corner. It really is no way to live a life - especially for 2+ years.

I look at my youth and strength going into this as a double-edged sword - good because it has given me the strength to cope with extremely aggressive treatments, but bad because as long as
I can deal with them, I will keep getting them, and I'm going to stay weak and tired.

There is really no plan at this point - we are consulting with many doctors to figure out next steps. I'm sure another door will open, let's just hope it's the right door.

I don't mean to appear weak and negative. In fact, I feel like in these difficult times it's most important to have faith and dig deep to stay positive, and as always, I'll do my best.

Great weekend

I returned home last night after an amazing weekend in Tampa attending my friend's wedding. I have not had very many opportunities over the past few years to get away for a weekend, and this was truly one of the best weekends I've had in a long, long time. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I've felt so completely and totally relaxed and free - it's been over 2 years.

Something about being away from home and with a great group of people at a joyous occasion cleared my mind, and for a few days, I didn't think about the burden here.

It is true what people say - when going through difficulties, sometimes the best medicine is to just go out, clear your mind, and completely immerse yourself in fun, happy activities. The link between mind and body is very real, and when your mind is at peace, your body begins to heal. That's how I felt this weekend. Even though I wasn't getting to sleep on time, eating my meals on time or maintaining my strict diet, I didn't feel any worse - in fact, I felt ten times better because I was enjoying myself and not worrying.

Hopefully there will be many more weekends like this past one to come. I want to congratulate my friends Ibrahim and Shabnam, and thank all my friends, Adam, Yousuf, Abid, Naeem, Asad, Mujtaba, Mufaddal and AK for a truly awesome weekend.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. This was truly a great moment in my life - a memory that I will keep for a very long time.

I'm back on chemo tomorrow. These next few weeks will be a challenge, but I am ready to face it.

3 cycles in the books

Happy Saturday to everyone. This past Tuesday I received the 2nd and final dose of my 3rd chemo cycle. The duration of this treatment is still TBD - my doctor would like for it to continue if it is working successfully and I am tolerating the side effects - but I would say I'm approx. halfway done at this point.

I feel it starting to catch up with me a bit physically. This week I was a bit under the weather and my energy level was very low. I went to work on Wednesday, but just couldn't muster enough energy to get to the office the rest of the week. But mentally I am relaxed and confident. All will be well, and as soon as I'm off treatment I hope to begin exercising more vigorously as my energy level should return to normal.

Next weekend I'm off to a friends wedding so I will try and post beforehand. If not, I will be back mid-next week when my chemo starts up again.

I hope everyone is doing well...

Update

Hey everyone. The weekend is almost over out here in LA so I thought I'd post a quick update on the progress of my treatment before things pick up again tomorrow. This was an extremely difficult week for me overall - for some reason it was one of the more mentally draining weeks I've had in some time. It was one of those weeks where my patience was truly put to the test.

I had my chemo on Tuesday, and due to some side effects caused by the medication I am getting right now I'm restricted from doing a lot of things because of fatigue and CNS sensitivity. So, what ends up happening is during my treatment week is that I end up spending 90% of my time at home until the side effects wear off. I don't mean to complain, but it really wore me down. I tried my best to stay calm and remain patient, but everyone around me (friends, coworkers, etc.) is moving so fast that I feel left behind.

But it's ok, for this is only temporary. I believe that my level of patience has increased considerably, and patience is helping me cope. I keep trying to remind myself that everyone is tested in different ways in this life, and it's how one responds to that test that determines if he or she is successful. And I won't quit now.

More treatment this coming Tuesday, followed by my break and more test results. The roller coaster continues, but I'm confident it will be over soon.

Riding My Train

"Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. it's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere."

-Barack Obama

I have always been someone who looks to the future. I used to constantly plan and think about my next move in life, and what I needed to do to achieve those goals. When I was diagnosed in March 2007, I didn't waste any time coming up with a plan to get myself back on track once my treatment was completed. I figured I would go through 3-4 months of treatment in Hong Kong, go into remission, get back to working full time shortly thereafter, and eventually move back to the US where I would attend grad school, get married and start a family.

If you asked me then where I saw myself in the summer of 2009, 'living at home with my parents still undergoing chemotherapy' would have been the last thing from my mouth. But, as I've unfortunately come to find out, you can't always expect things to work out according to a plan. I am still living at home going through treatment. I have not been able to accomplish any of the personal and professional goals I set out for myself since then.

The fact that this battle has not ended used to make me very angry and depressed. I felt like my peers and I were all riding on the same train. Everyone wanted to reach the final destination (successful life, money, family, big house, etc.) as quickly as possible, and nobody wanted to get off. When I was diagnosed, I was basically pushed off the train, and I wanted nothing more to get back on as soon as I could. I would reach the last stop later than everyone else, but at least I would still get there.

But what I've come to realize over the past few years is that we're not all on the same train. We're on separate trains, each one traveling at its own speed, headed in its own unique direction. The difficulty, of course, is that we don't have any idea which train we're on, and often times that makes us believe we're headed in the wrong direction. But rather than stressing out about why you're not headed the same way as your friends or co-workers, it's better to relax and enjoy the ride.

Ultimately, this requires a great deal of patience, a virtue that I definitely lacked when this battle began. When you're going in a different, seemingly wrong direction than your friends, it's mentally taxing.

But there are no wrong directions. We're meant to end up in different places, accomplishing different goals along the way. Maybe I am meant to achieve something different what my friends are meant to achieve. The key is being patient enough to work-hard and endure the times of uncertainty so that you can be rewarded in the end.

It may seem ironic that I write about the merits of patience and perseverance since my fight is not over yet, but I know from my own experience that it's the only way to tough it out. I believe that things will work out for the best, so allowing frustration and anxiety to rule my life doesn't make sense.

I'm going to enjoy the ride.

Staying On Track

I apologize for missing so much time between posts, but the last week was incredibly busy for me. I celebrated my birthday last Wednesday, and met a lot of new friends over the weekend.

A quick update - we found out this morning that the tumor markers have continued to decline, which is a good sign. This is the 2nd data point we've obtained thus far to suggest that the current treatment regiment is working effectively. Still, I don't want to get too ahead of the game. I plan to remain patient and take it step by step, as I strongly believe I will get through this successfully at the end of the day.

That's all I got for now, but I promise to post more often this next month as I couldn't get on here enough in June.

I hope everyone is doing well. Oh, and I almost forgot. No laughter clip this week...but something a lot better. What I've realized from all the Michael Jackson coverage since his death is that nobody knows when their time is up. But it doesn't matter how long we are in this world, what matters is the impact we've made while here. Michael Jackson made a tremendous impact in this world, and I believe that one day, in my own way, I will too. We'll miss you MJ...RIP.

Great Story on Overcoming low odds

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend so far. I wanted to share a story I read in the LA Times yesterday called She Finally Has a Home - Harvard. This is an amazing story about a homeless girl who overcame tremendous obstacles to get accepted into Harvard.

I think it's a perfect example of how far focus and determination can take a person. In this girl's situation, no matter how bad things were, she kept her eyes on the prize. The story talks about how she had to fight and scrounge for the basic necessities of life - food, shelter, etc. - amidst trying to do well in school. She wanted to make a better life for herself, and she made it happen.

Reading this story reminded me that staying focused on the ultimate goal is also something I need to do. It's easy to get distracted and depressed when things are not going your way, but I'm trying to keep it all in perspective and remember that the ultimate prize, getting cured, can still happen.

On the treatment front, I have completed one cycle and I'm now in the midst of cycle #2. So far the response to this new therapy has been promising, so I am staying focused and hoping for more good news.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend...

Quick Update

After a fun-filled weekend (which included a Lakers championship), it was back to the grind again this morning as my 2nd cycle of chemotherapy got underway. The weekend was especially nice because at the end of last week my doctor informed me that my tumor markers had declined - a sign that this treatment, at least in its initial stages, is proving to be effective.

Now, we've been in this situation countless times before. Several of my past treatments were effective early on but ended up falling short. So, I'm trying not to let myself get too worked up or excited. But it does feel very good to know I'm moving in the right direction again. I'm very thankful to God for that.

It was very difficult for me to summon the strength to get back on chemotherapy this time, knowing how critical it is that it be effective. Sometimes when my eyes open in the morning, I wonder why I am choosing to get out of bed. 'Just go back to sleep', I think to myself. 'When you're sleeping, you don't have to think about this stuff. You can dream about beaches and cupcakes and the dodgers in the world series.'

But I'm always quick to remind myself that I know better. I know that each new day is a blessing, and each new day I am one day closer to being well. Quitting is not an option for me now, nor will it ever be. Patience and perseverance will keep me on track.

Since I haven't yet explained exactly why I'm back on treatment, or what I am taking, I will do that now. After my lung surgery to remove a single tumor in early April, we were hoping that my tumor markers would normalize and my scans would be clean. That did not happen. My markers remained elevated and were rising, while scans showed new spots developing.

As you can probably imagine, this was about as bad as it gets. What made matters worse is that my doctors, the best doctors in the world for my disease, were out of solid ideas. Their confidence was slipping.

They suggested I turn to a private medical lab in Los Angeles, where they do a special form of lab testing called chemosensitivity testing.

Chemosensitivity testing is a process where a sample of your tumor(in my case, a sample of the lung tumor which was removed during my surgery) is taken to a lab where all the approved cancer drugs are tested against it to see which drugs are most effective and which are least effective. The major benefit is that, since the tissue is literally taken from your own body, it's truly an individualized treatment approach. The major drawback is that lab results don't always carry over to the body.

The results of this test revealed a cocktail of medicines I had never tried before which might be effective in killing my cancer. There is no clinical data to back up using this combination on me - its based on lab testing and theoretical ideas. But it's safe, it's possible to do, and it's the best idea we have.

I will continue to post updates on the progress of this treatment as it unfolds. In the meantime, be well...

Inspiration on the baseball field

I saw something on Friday night that once again re-affirmed my belief that anything is possible if you want it bad enough and you work for it.

I was at the Dodgers baseball game that night with a friend. Most of the game was dull - very little scoring, and very few exciting plays. At the end of the 8th inning the Dodgers were losing 3-2. With just one inning left, it seemed unlikely that they would be able to come back and win the game.

Their first 2 batters in the 9th inning got out immediately. Now they were at the brink. At this point, with 2 men out and nobody on base, it was a tall order. For those of you who know baseball, you know that in these situations, coming back is almost impossible. I had certainly never witnessed a team comeback from these odds. I was hoping that maybe the next guy would come up and hit a home run to tie the game, and then they might be able to win in extra innings.

The 3rd batter managed to hit a single. A glimmer of hope, but still a near insurmountable task. The 4th batter managed to draw a walk, putting runners at first and second base with 2 out. The crowd began showing signs of life now. When the 5th batter came up and hit the ball, my heart sunk - it was an easy ground ball to the 3rd baseman. This game was about to be over. But suddenly, the 3rd baseman bobbled the ball and made a bad throw to 1st and the runner was safe. Now the bases were loaded. The baseball gods were smiling on the Dodgers that night.

When the 6th batter came up, the crowd was on its feet. Seeing three consecutive batters reach base under these circumstances, where one out would end the game, was amazing already. Could a 4th guy in a row get a hit?

I witnessed the impossible that night, as the 6th batter hit a double to the outfield, bringing home 2 runs, and the Dodgers came from behind to win. The entire team rushed out on the field, dog-piling on top of one another, a massive celebration on the infield. The crowd was going bananas - random people were hugging each other and giving high fives and laughing.

As I was driving home from the game I felt rejuvenated. Sure, this was just a baseball game - pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. But to me it was a sign that I shouldn't forget that just becomes something seems impossible, doesn't mean that it is. No matter what the odds, if you want something bad enough, you can overcome.

You can make the impossible possible. It was a great night, and here's hoping for many more great nights in the future. I found a video taken by a random fan sitting in the outfield of the events of the 9th inning...Enjoy!

(apologize for the close-up shot of his face on the video)

My favorite month

Hey everyone. I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. June is my favorite month of the year. Besides the NBA Finals (which will include the Lakers!) and baseball season in full swing, my birthday is in June. I'm expecting big things for my birthday. I believe my situation is going to be completely turned around - some great things will happen in my life, and I can't wait.

Treatment continues to progress well. We have not received any official marker readings or updated scans yet because it's too soon. Those will start coming in a few weeks. Meanwhile, I'm keeping myself busy with work, playing chess, exercising and eating (I need to keep my weight up).

I haven't posted a laughter clip up in a while, and I apologize for that to those who enjoyed them. I can't take credit for finding this clip. It was shown to me, but it was too funny to not put up here. Enjoy!

Back to the Grind

I started my new chemotherapy regiment last week. Once this is over everything will finally be back to normal. I believe it will last for a few months and I should tolerate it well.

This is a unique cocktail, one you won't find on a list of standard chemo regiments for my illness. This was put together based on the results of some very specific chemosensitivity testing I had done on the lung tumor removed 6 weeks ago. Several different cancer drugs were tested on this tumor in a lab, and we have formed a cocktail of those which were most effective in the lab. How well the lab results carry over to the body remains to be seen, but I have very high hopes.

If you have some time, I recommend reading a NY Times article about happiness I read this morning called Happy Like God. It'll get the wheels turning after a long (or short) holiday weekend. It's a bit philosophical, and I'll admit that parts of it were over my head, but it really made me think about how I shouldn't let my current circumstances, or my fears and doubts regarding the future, dictate my happiness. Let me know what you think.

Talk to everyone soon.

Update

Hey everyone. I wanted to just post a quick update on the current situation. First of all, I am feeling great- very strong, confident and healthy. Based on the way I'm feeling, it's shocking that further treatment will be needed.

We met with my doctor to come up with a game plan this past week. I have been doing my homework on what my options are, and I feel like we came up with a good strategy that I believe, in conjunction with everything else I am doing to get healthy, will work.

Things should get rolling again in the next few weeks. I am feeling calm and confident these days, like a man who has worked hard and has done everything possible to achieve a goal. I'm not going to stress out about what is beyond my control at this point.

I will continue to write about things as they unfold over the next month or two. I'm sure, going forward, these will all be positive updates.

Happy Mother's Day

Even though it's not quite midnight here on the West Coast, I want to wish every mom reading this a happy mother's day. And, I also want to congratulate a new mom on her first mother's day, my friend Fareeda, whose newborn baby is very cute.

I came across a very inspiring piece in the LA times today called These Moms Know True Love, that I thought I would share with everyone. I really enjoyed reading it and found it amazing how much strength and courage the mother's interviewed in this article possess. I think that it really helped me realize that I do have so much to be thankful for.

Finally, I wanted to wish my own mom a happy mother's day, and thank her for all the love and support she's given me over these last few years. From moving to Hong Kong for three months to sitting with me through all my treatments, she has shown courage and bravery beyond that which I've ever seen. Most mom's could not handle what she has seen and been through.

I know the last few years have been a difficult time for her, having to watch her son go through chemo treatments and surgeries when she should be getting to plan my wedding or play with her grandkids. It's not fair for her, but she's dealing with it as best as she can, and that's all I can ask of her.

I want her to know that I love her very much, and I also want to tell her to not let anyone discourage her with negativity. Even though there have been a few rough patches, believe me when I say that you have done a tremendous job taking care of me. You do not stress me out - instead, you make life easy for me, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be staying.

We are going to beat this together, and then when our time comes, we will enjoy all the blessings that life will bring us. I am confident that we can overcome.

Ok...I hope everyone has a nice Mother's Day.