Back to the Grind

I started my new chemotherapy regiment last week. Once this is over everything will finally be back to normal. I believe it will last for a few months and I should tolerate it well.

This is a unique cocktail, one you won't find on a list of standard chemo regiments for my illness. This was put together based on the results of some very specific chemosensitivity testing I had done on the lung tumor removed 6 weeks ago. Several different cancer drugs were tested on this tumor in a lab, and we have formed a cocktail of those which were most effective in the lab. How well the lab results carry over to the body remains to be seen, but I have very high hopes.

If you have some time, I recommend reading a NY Times article about happiness I read this morning called Happy Like God. It'll get the wheels turning after a long (or short) holiday weekend. It's a bit philosophical, and I'll admit that parts of it were over my head, but it really made me think about how I shouldn't let my current circumstances, or my fears and doubts regarding the future, dictate my happiness. Let me know what you think.

Talk to everyone soon.

Update

Hey everyone. I wanted to just post a quick update on the current situation. First of all, I am feeling great- very strong, confident and healthy. Based on the way I'm feeling, it's shocking that further treatment will be needed.

We met with my doctor to come up with a game plan this past week. I have been doing my homework on what my options are, and I feel like we came up with a good strategy that I believe, in conjunction with everything else I am doing to get healthy, will work.

Things should get rolling again in the next few weeks. I am feeling calm and confident these days, like a man who has worked hard and has done everything possible to achieve a goal. I'm not going to stress out about what is beyond my control at this point.

I will continue to write about things as they unfold over the next month or two. I'm sure, going forward, these will all be positive updates.

Happy Mother's Day

Even though it's not quite midnight here on the West Coast, I want to wish every mom reading this a happy mother's day. And, I also want to congratulate a new mom on her first mother's day, my friend Fareeda, whose newborn baby is very cute.

I came across a very inspiring piece in the LA times today called These Moms Know True Love, that I thought I would share with everyone. I really enjoyed reading it and found it amazing how much strength and courage the mother's interviewed in this article possess. I think that it really helped me realize that I do have so much to be thankful for.

Finally, I wanted to wish my own mom a happy mother's day, and thank her for all the love and support she's given me over these last few years. From moving to Hong Kong for three months to sitting with me through all my treatments, she has shown courage and bravery beyond that which I've ever seen. Most mom's could not handle what she has seen and been through.

I know the last few years have been a difficult time for her, having to watch her son go through chemo treatments and surgeries when she should be getting to plan my wedding or play with her grandkids. It's not fair for her, but she's dealing with it as best as she can, and that's all I can ask of her.

I want her to know that I love her very much, and I also want to tell her to not let anyone discourage her with negativity. Even though there have been a few rough patches, believe me when I say that you have done a tremendous job taking care of me. You do not stress me out - instead, you make life easy for me, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be staying.

We are going to beat this together, and then when our time comes, we will enjoy all the blessings that life will bring us. I am confident that we can overcome.

Ok...I hope everyone has a nice Mother's Day.

Mannywood No More

For those of you who follow baseball, and even for those of you who don't, you surely have heard that LA Dodgers superstar outfielder Manny Ramirez was found to have tested positive for a performance enhancing drug and has been suspended 50 games.

Being a huge LA Dodger fan, I was crushed when the news broke yesterday morning. The Dodgers were having an unbelievable season, and it all went away once Manny was caught. Now since he tested positive for a non-steroid drug, I don't want to pass judgment here and automatically assume he is a cheater. But assuming he has cheated by taking steroids at some point in his career, this event has effectively ruined his career.

There are several negative consequences that have come into the picture. Aside from putting dangerous products into his body, Manny's entire legacy as one of the greatest baseball players of all-time could be based on cheating. In addition, he has lost the love and respect of his fans, teammates and colleagues., who believe he is a fraud. But in my opinion, the worst thing that has happened, is that he let people down, and he has to live with it.

From this day forward, Manny Ramirez will have to wake up in the morning, look at himself in the mirror, and realize again and again that he let thousands and thousands of people down by being selfish. I can't think of anything worse than that.

So how does this relate to me and my situation, other than the fact that I love the Dodgers? Because sometimes I feel that by not being able to overcome this disease and put it behind me, I'm letting down my supporters and those people who count on me.

The members of my family have poured their lives into helping me get better. They have sacrificed everything, and I feel bad that I can't deliver for them. I know it's crazy for me to think this way, considering the fact that beating this disease is out of my control, where as Manny deciding to take drugs was in his control, but it's unavoidable. I can see and feel the pain in their eyes and I just can't do anything about it.

But I just want to say that even though I have a long road ahead before I get better, I will get there, and all your support and sacrifice will be worth something in the end.

Update

Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've had a very busy few weeks and I really enjoyed them. There wasn't much to report on the medical front until today. Turns out that my tumor markers are on the way up again and it's likely that additional treatment will be needed. It's been over six months since I've had any chemo, and it's definitely something I'm not looking forward to, but we have to see what the options are.

Over the next few days I have will have brain and chest scans to see if there is any visible disease, and once we know that, we well decide on a course of treatment.

Honestly, I have no idea what to feel right now. I guess it's a mix of disappointment and apathy. I say apathy because at this point I really don't care what these tests show. I want them to go well, but I have no control over them. I have said before that I know in my heart that I am working hard to do everything possible to live, and what more can you ask from someone. When this is all over and I look back, I will know that I survived because I never gave up and I never gave less than 100% effort in trying to win the war.

Ok...I'm off to the Dodgers game.