Mannywood No More

For those of you who follow baseball, and even for those of you who don't, you surely have heard that LA Dodgers superstar outfielder Manny Ramirez was found to have tested positive for a performance enhancing drug and has been suspended 50 games.

Being a huge LA Dodger fan, I was crushed when the news broke yesterday morning. The Dodgers were having an unbelievable season, and it all went away once Manny was caught. Now since he tested positive for a non-steroid drug, I don't want to pass judgment here and automatically assume he is a cheater. But assuming he has cheated by taking steroids at some point in his career, this event has effectively ruined his career.

There are several negative consequences that have come into the picture. Aside from putting dangerous products into his body, Manny's entire legacy as one of the greatest baseball players of all-time could be based on cheating. In addition, he has lost the love and respect of his fans, teammates and colleagues., who believe he is a fraud. But in my opinion, the worst thing that has happened, is that he let people down, and he has to live with it.

From this day forward, Manny Ramirez will have to wake up in the morning, look at himself in the mirror, and realize again and again that he let thousands and thousands of people down by being selfish. I can't think of anything worse than that.

So how does this relate to me and my situation, other than the fact that I love the Dodgers? Because sometimes I feel that by not being able to overcome this disease and put it behind me, I'm letting down my supporters and those people who count on me.

The members of my family have poured their lives into helping me get better. They have sacrificed everything, and I feel bad that I can't deliver for them. I know it's crazy for me to think this way, considering the fact that beating this disease is out of my control, where as Manny deciding to take drugs was in his control, but it's unavoidable. I can see and feel the pain in their eyes and I just can't do anything about it.

But I just want to say that even though I have a long road ahead before I get better, I will get there, and all your support and sacrifice will be worth something in the end.