The Recurrence - Dealing with Setbacks

"Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward."

Henry Ford

A very very close friend suggested that I spend some time on this blog sharing the specific thoughts and feelings I had as I encountered significant setbacks over the past 2 years.

One of the most devastating setbacks I experienced since my diagnosis was the recurrence, which was detected in February of 2008. This was almost 1 year after my initial diagnosis. I had just returned from Tampa Bay where I had attended a funeral for a very close friend (something I will be posting about later on), and I was due for my routine checkup.

When the doctor called with the abnormal blood test result, it was actually my Mom who answered the phone. She then relayed the message to me and my Dad, and we were crushed. It felt like someone took a large hammer and smashed to pieces all the hope that had been building up in my mind since going into remission 4 months prior. The hope of returning to my normal life, going back to work, meeting that special someone and putting this all behind me. With one phone call, boom! It was gone.

At first I was consumed with anger. I was angry at my doctor, at the world and at God. I couldn't believe that after all I had been through, all the suffering and pain I had endured from my chemo and surgeries, all the sacrifices my family had made, the disease was still lingering. I couldn't understand how me dying from this disease would positively impact the world.

After anger came fear. We had already exhausted so many treatment options in that year, and all that was left was fairly experimental with little track record for success. I didn't want to go through more chemo, but more importantly, I didn't want to go through chemo where the doctors had no idea what the chances of success would be. Beyond that, I began to fear how my family would handle this latest challenge - would my parents be able to cope with the pressure? Would my brother be able to focus on school knowing this was happening to me back home? More treatment meant putting the return to my normal life on hold for much longer than I had ever anticipated. Having to think through all the possibilities was an agonizing experience.

After fear came self-pity. At the time I was still at that point where I was feeling sorry for myself, and this setback only made it worse. All that anger and fear building up corrupted my mind and made me wonder why I should even bother continuing to fight. Sometimes I thought to myself, even if I get through this, is my future quality of life going to be good enough where it's worth it?

Looking back now on the chain of emotions I experienced, I realize that what I was feeling at that time was very normal. It was ok for me to be angry and afraid given the new developments and what it meant about my future. The key, though, was not giving up mentally. Deep down, in my soul or subconscious or whatever you want to call it, I never let myself quit. And I believe that's why I'm still carrying on today.

There's a big difference between physically quitting and mentally quitting. Physically quitting would have meant not going for the next treatment at all, an option I would never have even considered. Mentally quitting would have meant following through the treatment, but giving up all hope that the treatment had any chance of working. This attitude would have doomed me from the start. Mentally quitting is like throwing in the towel before the Round 1 bell even rings.

What I learned from going through the recurrence is that setbacks are an essential part of life and everyone must deal with them. Setbacks help to build your inner-strength and confidence, and if you're not having any, you're probably going the wrong way. But when you encounter a setback, you cannot let the anger, fear and uncertainty caused by this event allow you to mentally quit on your goal. Do everything you can to ensure that mentally, you're continuing to fight and work hard to achieve what you want. For me, this motivation came from my strong desire to live a long life and positively impact this world in some way.

Developing and maintaining that mental focus has allowed me to get to where I am today. And even though I have since faced additional setbacks in my battle, I feel that by not quitting on myself mentally, I am doing everything in my power to live the right way. No matter how this turns out for me, the fact that I didn't quit is something that I will always be proud of.

Be well...

Laughter Clips of the Week

"I've always thought that a good laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, 'Ain't that the truth'."

Quincy Jones


It's that time of the week again. This first clip was sent to me by a good friend and soon-to-be family member. It's good to know she has a quirky sense of humor...that'll help her fit in.



This second clip is short but sweet...Chris Rock talking about the tiger at the Seigfried and Roy show. Amazing...



I hope you had a good laugh. Enjoy the week!

My Boss and the Importance of Always Being Thankful

"If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul."

Rabbi Harold Kushner

I believe that everyone always has something to be thankful for. Regardless of how many problems you might have, if you look hard enough, you can always find something good happening in your life. For me, that something has been my boss and my Company.

About 8 months before I was diagnosed, I decided to change jobs. A new opportunity was presented to me by a friend and it was too good to pass up. This new job, as an associate at a small investment firm in Orange County, CA, would give me the opportunity to travel abroad, meet new people, work on challenging and exciting projects, and of course, make more money. At the time I was about to turn 24 and all these prospects were very enticing. So, even though I enjoyed my current job working in Los Angeles, I decided to make the switch.

The first time I met the owner of this firm, I seriously began to reconsider that decision (he had been traveling abroad when I accepted the job so I never got a chance to meet him then). After introducing myself to him, he began rapidly asking me questions about myself, my past job and my college experience. It was like a lightning round and I was on the hot seat. I soon came to realize that he was just having some fun with me, something that he likes to do often. He then assigned me my first project, giving me so few details about what he wanted that I spent most of the afternoon and evening just scratching my head, wondering if there way any possible way I could do it right.

But after we moved past these initial bizarre encounters and I learned more about his style, I realized that he was an incredibly sharp man with an incredibly short attention span. I figured I could deal with that. His best quality though would be his limitless generosity, which I would come to find out about later.

The morning after I was diagnosed I woke up in my apartment and got ready to go back to the hospital for more testing. My cellphone rang and it was my boss. He told me that he was sorry for what happened to me, and that someone so young should never be burdened with such a challenge. He told me that he appreciated all the work I'd done and that he and his family would be there to support me. He asked me how I was feeling, and I told him I was scared, but that I felt that I could beat it. He said that I should stay positive, fight, and not give up. We ended the conversation on that note and I left for the hospital. Shortly after I received this email from him...

"I have a sense that the course of your treatment will take between 9 months and a year. During that time, you will remain on the payroll, and continue to get paid bonuses as they are paid out. We will also pay for you to live at Parkview (the apartment my Mom and I lived at in Hong Kong) for as long as you would like to.

Over the next year, I do not expect you to do any finance related work. Your job will be to do the following:

1. Learn as much as you can about your cancer, the treatment options, and what progress to expect.
2. Speak to as many doctors as possible about your specific treatment and make sure you’re informed about the decisions you are making.
3. Get better.

You are part of the (Company name) family. Sometimes that involves dressing up like an elf (I had dressed up as an elf for the Christmas party). Sometimes that involves letting us support you while you get better. Take as long as you need, and rest assured that your job and everything you’re doing will be waiting for you when you get back. If you get better and decide that you don’t want to continue in finance, that’s fine too. It’s your decision to make when you’re well."

It was a very moving email, but the most amazing part is he has lived up to each and every promise made, as well as going above and beyond to take care of me and my family.

As I look back today, I realize that for a long time while my boss supported me, I was so focused on the negative things going on in my life that I never stopped to appreciate what he was doing. My mind was so consumed with anger and frustration about tests and doctor's visits that I didn't care to notice the bright spots. But all that did was make me even more miserable.

See in life, you can either be someone who is struggling with problems, or someone who is not struggling with problems. For those people who aren't struggling, it's very easy to be thankful because everything is going well. For those people who are struggling, it's much harder to be thankful because you're angry and upset about your problems, and you can't figure out why they're happening to you and not someone else.

But what I've learned is that this type of thinking is a mental trap. If you only focus on your problems and fail to appreciate the bright spots in your life, you'll only feel worse. But if you push through those struggles to find those positive pillars in your life, and then be thankful for those things, you will feel more relaxed and peaceful. I realized that my life was not as bad as it could have been. There were still many people helping and supporting me, people I was very lucky to have around.

I've continued to focus on being thankful through each setback and each stressful situation I've encountered. I think that if you're struggling or stressed out in life, you should try focusing on the good things and being thankful for those things. This change in mentality has given me much greater peace of mind as I continue fighting this battle. As for my boss, he continues to support me to this day, and I can't wait to get back and start working for him everyday again.

The Day I met Dennis

"In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us"

Flora Edwards

I'd like to talk about the benefits of helping others during your own difficult times, and how doing this can provide true satisfaction. Just like on my favorite television show Lost, where time-traveling is about as common now as seeing a tree on the island, I'm going to jump ahead in my story to talk about a very meaningful encounter that happened to me in the summer of 2008. If you refer back to my timeline of events, you will see that I was receiving chemotherapy treatment at St. Jude Hospital in Fullerton at this time.

One day I went into the cancer clinic to get a booster shot. I would receive these shots often to help counteract the effects of the chemo on my blood counts. The shots didn't take very long, so I usually tried to get in and out as quickly as possible and get on with my day.

As I was waiting for the nurse to call me in, I noticed an older gentleman sitting on the couch across from me in the waiting room. I had never seen him before at the clinic, but it looked like he came in often. We began making small talk, me telling him about why I was there and relaying to him the story of what had happened to me. His name was Dennis. He listened, occasionally asking me a question. He could tell I was stressed out by what I was going through.

We sat silently for a moment, and then he asked me if I was religious. I told him that I was, and he began telling me a story about the Apostle Paul. He told me that once, God allowed for a thorn to be placed in Paul's flesh. Paul prayed to God three times asking for this thorn to be removed. God heard the prayer, but did not remove the thorn, instead saying "My grace is sufficient for you, as my power is made perfect in weakness".

I listened to the story and was fascinated, but I told him that I didn't understand. He explained to me that nobody knows exactly what the thorn was, but God was saying that if you believe in Him, then everything will be ok. I still didn't quite understand, but it didn't matter really. For some reason, his story really put me at ease. The confidence and kindness with which he relayed this story completely relaxed me, and for a minute, I wasn't worried.

I then began to ask him about his own situation. He told that he had a serious problem where his bone marrow wasn't properly producing blood cells. Right now he was getting transfusions to make up for it, but that could only be done for so long before it wouldn't work anymore. I felt sorry for Dennis, but was amazed at how calm and cool he looked sitting there relaying his story to me.

The nurse called my name and I stood up to head back for my shot. Dennis asked me my name and I told him. He then said something that has left a lasting impression on me to this day. He said, "I'll pray for you everyday." I was very moved, and nearly started crying right then and there. For this man to think about praying for me, a random kid he's never met or spoken to before that day, especially considering what he is going through, was an amazing gesture. I thanked him, wished him the best of luck, and went in to have my shot.

To this day I still think about Dennis and what he said to me that day. I don't know what happened to him as I never saw him again, but his words inspired me.

Here is what I learned from Dennis. Regardless of what you're going through in life, helping others is always the best medicine. Making a positive difference in another person's life helps you forget about your own problems. It can be a very satisfying and rewarding experience. Even if it's just something small like saying a prayer, as Dennis did for me, it goes a long way. Since that day I've tried my hardest to think about my friends and family and help those who are going through difficult times. I can always do more, but nothing provides more satisfaction than feeling like I brightened someone's day.

Laughter Clips of the Week

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter"

- E.E. Cummings

I plan to get back to my storytelling this week, but today, it's time to laugh. Last week I said I would begin posting some funny clips once a week so we can all have a good laugh. This week, I'm throwing in a bonus clip.

The first clip is my favorite part from Beverly Hills Cop. Earlier in the movie, Eddie Murphy had stuck a banana in the tailpipe of the cops' car to prevent them from following him. These cops tell him that they're not falling for that trick...



My very good college friend reminded me of this clip from a movie we love, The Jerk. There's really no way to explain this...it's just comedy.



I hope you all enjoyed those, and let me know if you have ideas for other clips I can post on here. Have a good week...

Lex Luthor downs Superman

Another break from storytelling today. I love NBA All-Star weekend, and my favorite part of it is the slam-dunk contest. It's my favorite all-star competition among all the major sports. I wish they made it longer and included more players. Last night, 5'9" Nate Robinson (a.k.a. Lex Luthor) and his kryptonite basketball defeated 6'11" Dwight Howard (a.k.a. Superman), by literally leaping over him in the final round. Pretty impressive stuff. I can't wait till next year, when Lebron James says he's (preliminary) in! I guess he's tired of missing out on all the fun from the sidelines. Some highlights...

Plane Crash

I wasn't planning on posting today, but upon reading about last night's plane crash outside of Buffalo (If you haven't heard, just go to any news website), I felt compelled to. My plan was to discuss the topic of fate/destiny utilizing a much more personal story, which I still intend on doing, so I'll try not to get into too much detail here. Before I write anything else, I just want to say that this was an extremely tragic event and I feel very sorry for those people who have lost family members or friends.

One of the biggest questions in life is if our destiny is set. I believe that it is, and given that, I believe that when its your time to go, its your time go. You can't change it. Now I didn't know anyone on that plane, but I'm sure there were all kinds of passengers - young and old, men and women, small kids, doctors, lawyers, businessmen. Most people were probably young, healthy, and at no risk of dying. That's why I believe it was their time to go - this plane was meant to go down and they weren't meant to survive. Why? I have no idea. I also have no idea why the passengers aboard the US Airways flight that went down in the Hudson River all lived. It's a funny thing how two planes going down (granted, the situations were completely different) can lead to completely opposite outcomes.

I don't want to get into any more detail on that now, but I do want to touch briefly on the miracles that happened here, which is also related to destiny.

Emergency coordinator David Bissonette was quoted as saying how remarkable it was that the plane only hit one house, and that it could have easily taken out so many more. Furthermore, 2 residents of the house that was hit managed to escape physically unharmed.

Now if you think like I think, those two facts would have jumped out at you before everything else. That's a miracle. We'll never know why it happened this way, but I'd like to believe that those 2, as well their neighbors, weren't destined to go today, and regardless of how close they came to death, they would have made it no matter what. It will happen when it's supposed to happen.

Obviously, this idea of "It's going to happen when it's supposed to happen" has really hit home for me, as I am living on the edge, so to speak. That's why having faith in this idea helps me stay at peace. I know that all I can do is fight hard and never give up, and if I'm meant to beat this, I will.

As I said, my intention was to discuss fate/destiny in connection with a personal story regarding my friends, and I still plan on doing so. Lastly, I know this is a sensitive subject and I don't want to offend or anger anyone by presenting my thoughts on it, so if you read this and you don't like it, let me know and I'll take it down.

The Benefit of Viewing Challenges in a Positive Light

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it"

-Charles R. Swindoll

I want to share my thoughts on how viewing challenges in a positive light can help you deal with the pressures and stress of difficult experiences in a much better way. As a side note, as I generate more ideas for this blog, I'm realizing that most of what I've learned in the past 2 years has happened gradually and isn't necessarily tied to a specific event, so I'm getting away from the storytelling framework. If you'd like to hear stories about specific events, let me know.

For about a year and a half after my diagnosis, I had a very difficult time being positive. The uncertainty regarding how my life would play out, how long I had to live, and what I would be able to have in life left me in a constant state of worry, fear and depression. How soon would I be able to get back to work? When would I buy a house? Will I still be able to get married? Will I have kids someday? How much later will these things happen for me than for my friends, and how will I deal with the jealousy caused by falling behind?

Deep down, whether we want to admit it or not, we all measure ourselves against our peers, and we feel jealous and sometimes angry if we are not enjoying the same happiness's as they are. We're all playing this game called Life (and I don't mean the awesome boardgame), and I was being forced to sit out.

Despite the unhealthiness of this type of thinking, its just human nature, and even people with very few or minor problems feel it. So you can imagine how I, given the mountain of an obstacle in front of me, was feeling. These fears haunted me for a long time as I went through the various stages of my treatment, and I could not seem to escape.

Thankfully, the many positive influences in my life helped me out of this mode of thinking, and ever since then, I have stopped worrying about keeping up with those around me. After much reflection, I came to the decision that I was going to view my cancer diagnosis as an honor as oppose to a thorn in my side. By doing this, my mind would be at peace. Now you're probably saying to yourself, "this guy is crazy. How can he be honored to have cancer?"

God challenges everyone with unique circumstances. For some its losing a family member, for others its losing a job, and for others its health problems. Many people choose to view these challenges negatively and end up struggling to be happy. Others welcome these challenges and build on them. At some point over the past 2 years, I woke up one day and said to myself, "You know, this is an incredible challenge God has given to me and my family. He must think a lot of us to test us in this way. Instead of complaining about what's fair and not fair, I should feel proud. God believes I can handle this challenge, and I need to honor that challenge by walking through every door He opens for me and not giving up."

Please know that I'm not trying to demean or judge other people's problems, and I'm not saying it's easy to think like this (It took me FOREVER). I'm simply saying that if there's something going on in your life that's bothering you, if you can begin to view it as a honor as oppose to an unfair burden, I think it will help. Being religious, I turned it into an honor by thinking about God. If you're not religious, find another way. I know it helped me. Sitting here today, I'm still fighting the physical battle, but I believe I've got a handle on the mental battle, and it's making all the difference. Mind over body, right?

Be Well...

Laughter clip of the week

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."

- Kurt Vonnegut

I thought I would take a break from storytelling once a week to lighten the mood on this blog. Once a week I plan on posting a clip of something funny that will hopefully get a laugh out of everyone, and I don't mean a small chuckle, I mean a hyena-like laugh that will make others around you say, "what is wrong with that weirdo."

Everyone should try and laugh out loud at least once a day. Laughter cleanses the soul, releases your body's natural healing power, and frankly, laughing is fun. Hopefully I can help you out with that. Enjoy!

My Brother and Attitude

"The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If you're own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy"

-Dalai Lama

I'd like to use my little brother as an example to demonstrate the importance of attitude when dealing with crisis.

We nicknamed him Samwise Gamjee, the name of Frodo's hobbit companion in Lord of the Rings. I don't know why we started calling him this (it probably had to do with the fact that his name begins with Sam), but its become quite fitting. Like the movie character, my brother is also loyal, friendly, positive....and somewhat short.

Those of you who know him see a humble, good-natured, batman-obsessed kid whose one of the nicest guys out there, always willing to help. Unfortunately he rarely comes out of this shell around you. If he did, you would realize as I have that he is more than just Batman posters and smiles. He is an incredibly special person...a very rare breed in this world.

My parents never told me what my brother first said when they told him I was sick, but I'd imagine it was something like, "He's going to beat this." Without knowing any details about the diagnosis or the odds, he just believed. That's how much confidence he has in me.

Since day 1, my brother has been like a waterfall of positive energy, and I have spent as much time as I can getting drenched. Not once in the past 2 years has he ever uttered a negative word or had a negative thought (come to think of it, it's more like since the day he was born). He brings a certain goofiness out of me, and when I'm talking to him or around him, I naturally feel joy. Despite his busy schedule, he never fails to call me twice, sometimes three times a day, just to joke around and make me laugh.

And then there's everything he does on his own time to help, most of which I probably don't know about. He spends countless hours at school, time he could use for studying or having fun, researching new treatments and cures that could potentially help me.

I love my brother more than anyone else in this world. Ironically, he's watched over me the way an older brother should watch over a little brother. I try my best to focus on the here and now as a way of dealing with stress about the future, but one thing I do look forward to more than anything is my brother's wedding day. I imagine myself standing up, giving a speech, and celebrating with him and whichever lucky girl gets to become my sister....I mean his wife. I'm proud just to know him.

Here's what I learned from Samwise. The most powerful tool in life is a positive attitude. There are 3 types of people in this world; those who are always negative, those who are both negative and positive depending on how things are going (that's me), and those who are always positive regardless of what's happening. I've been around all three types of people over the past 2 years, and the impact is amazing. I literally feel like I've lost this battle when around people in group 1. But around group 3 members, I feel like running through brick walls. If you're not a member of group 3, either seek those people out and stick with them, or even better, become a member. It's a small group and they're hard to find, but I've been blessed that God made my brother this way to protect me forever.

The Call to my Father

"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity."

- Greek Philosopher Epicures

I've often told people that the call I had to place to my father the night I was diagnosed was the hardest moment of my life - even harder than listening to the doctor tell me I had cancer. Tears were already streaming down my face as I took out my cellphone in the hospital lobby and dialed the number, wondering how and what I would say. My brother and I represent my parents' dreams in so many ways, and I had to call and take that away from them. It was Thursday night in Hong Kong, meaning it was early Friday morning back home in Los Angeles.

There's really no good way to tell someone you have cancer, especially in my situation where the spreading was already so severe, so I just told him I had bad news, and I let it all out. He had known I was going to be seeing the doctor that night because I had called and told him earlier, but nobody was expecting this. I cried. He cried. Everyone cried.

As you can imagine, my parents and brother had to fly out to Hong Kong to be with me to provide support, as well as help me make important medical decisions. But given that this was so last minute, how could they get there right away?

This is where the story gets interesting. Now in my first post, I said one of my goals was to present instances where things played out in ways that I feel were more than just coincidental. Where the hand of God was working in my life. This is going to be my first example of one of those instances.

Several months before that fateful Thursday night of March 22nd, my parents and brother had decided they were going to come visit me for a week in Hong Kong. They all checked their schedules, found a week that worked, and booked their tickets. Their arrival date: March 23rd! That's right, two months before I was diagnosed, before I was feeling any symptoms at al, they booked tickets to arrive in Hong Kong exactly one day after I was diagnosed. If they did not have those tickets booked, who knows when they would have gotten a flight out, and who knows how expensive it would have been to book last-minute? I consider that to be a miracle.

As you can imagine, that first week was very difficult for us, but being together helped us cope with the challenge that lied ahead. I thank God every night for arranging things for us in that way and allowing us to be together immediately. As far as the call to my father, despite how sick I've become from treatments and how much pain surgeries have caused, that 15-minute phone call will always stand out as the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. But you know what they say about difficult times (see above).

When I think back to that night and that call, I realize now that going through those challenging moments helped me build courage and confidence to overcome the obstacles I faced later on. I learned that as bad as it felt to make that call, and as hard as its been to go through some of these other treatments, something positive will always come out of it, and that positive development is where your focus needs to be.

Timeline of Events

For those devoted fans who choose to follow my blog on a regular basis, I am including a basic timeline of events as a reference. I will do my best to tell my stories chronologically, but in case I remember something randomly that I want to write about, it might get out of order and this timeline should help.

March 22, 2007: Day of diagnosis; Location: Hong Kong

March - June 2007: Initial chemotherapy treatment; Location: Hong Kong

Beginning of July 2007: Return home to Los Angeles after completing treatment in HK. At this point we are unsure if I will need to continue treatment after returning home, but the plan is to come home and run tests.

Mid-July 2007: Find out that disease is still there; speak to a doctor at UCLA to figure out treatment plan going forward

July-September 2007: Receive additional chemo; Location: UCLA

September-October 2007: The final chemotherapy treatment makes me very ill, rendering me unable to receive the next planned treatment. We opt to have lung surgery instead, so I spend these months recovering from the chemo and preparing for surgery.

November 2007: I have bilateral lung surgery done to remove the remaining masses in my lungs
Location: UCLA

November 2007(post-surgery): We are informed by my surgeon that the masses removed contained no sign of disease, and that my markers had normalized. At this point we were feeling pretty good.

December-February 2008: I continue on the recovery track, slowing going back to the gym to put on weight. My hair also begins to grow back a bit. I also had two 26-yr old friends pass away within one month of each other during this period. There will be a post on this later.

March 2008: After returning from Florida for a funeral, I get the news that my disease has relapsed. We make plans to figure out next steps.

March-July 2008: Receive more, but different, chemotherapy; Location: St. Jude hospital in Fullerton, CA

August 2008: After some initial success, treatment is unable to control the spreading of the disease. We opt for an alternative treatment approach, attending a 3-week immunotherapy program.
Location: Santa Barbara, CA

September 2008: We learn that this immunotherapy program has also failed, so we decide to go to Indiana University Hospital for a very aggressive chemotherapy treatment known as a stem cell bone marrow transplant w/high dose chemo

September-November 2008: Receive transplant; Location: Indiana University

November 2008: Return home from Indiana after what was thought to be a successful transplant

December 27th, 2008: I have a brain seizure while getting ready for bed in my bathroom. I am taken to the ER where doctors inform me that a brain tumor has developed

December 31, 2008: Surgery to remove the bran tumor is very successful; Location: St. Jude Hospital

January 20th, 2009: I receive a gamma knife radiation treatment on the area where my tumor had developed; it is also successful; Location: San Antonio COmmunity Hospital in Upland, CA

Feb 5th, 2009: Tumor markers normal

It Begins

-"Often times in life, people look, but they don't see"

I've been meaning to sit down and start writing this blog for some time now, but I couldn't figure out how I wanted to present this story - until this morning. It's been almost 2 years since I was first diagnosed with Stage III metastatic testicular cancer, but to me it feels like time has been frozen. Living in Hong Kong at the time, I was your typical 24-year old finance professional: ambitious, hard-working, and focused solely on making money and getting ahead in life as fast as possible. Things looked pretty good at that point; but you know what they say (refer to quote above).

Sitting here today, I can hardly be described as your typical 26-year old. I've had my eyes opened in a way very few my age can understand. Over the past 23 months, I have experienced more mental and physical pain than most people will ever have to experience, thankfully. But this blog will not be a chronology of each treatment and my day-to-day activities as I feel like that would be meaningless. This blog will be about what I feel I have now seen about myself and about life.

I plan to reflect on the significant events, the turning points, the triumphs, tragedies and disappointments that have occurred since being diagnosed. These may be big events related to my treatments or my friends, or smaller moments in passing that may seem insignificant but have meant a lot to me. I believe that reflecting on the events of the past 2 years, given what I know today, gives me a unique perspective.

I have very specific goals for this blog. I believe that everything in this life happens for a reason, a reason that is never apparent to us at first but is something we come to realize later in life. I believe the reason I have been chosen to bear this burden is not to punish me with chemotherapy, stress and anxiety, because that would serve no purpose. I believe it is to teach me the value of life so that I can hopefully teach and inspire others to appreciate what they have. Here are my goals:

1) Fighting cancer has forever taught me the value of life and the importance of treasuring each moment, good or bad. I want to make sure that I pass this lesson on to the friends and family who have supported me. Thus far, I have done a decent job of keeping people informed about what I am going through, but I have yet to share what I have learned about life in an organized way. Inspiring people to improve the quality of their lives is my first goal.

2) I believe in God, and I consider myself to be religious. One thing I always reflect on is how my belief in God has impacted the course of my treatment. As I said above, I believe things happen for a reason, and I am 100% positive that the hand of God has opened doors for me along this battle. I would like to present examples of these moments throughout the blog. Whether you choose to believe in God or not, I hope the coincidences and examples I present leave you as amazed as they've left me.

3) I enjoy playing poker so i'm going to use it as an analogy for my 3rd goal. In life, as in poker, some players are dealt strong hands while others are dealt weak hands. That's the way it is. So if you've been dealt a strong hand, don't throw it away. Play that hand, play it wisely and play it happily. And if you've been dealt a weak hand, bluff.

4) Lastly, I want people to truly understand and appreciate the sacrifice made by my family over the past few years. While it's tough for me to take these treatments, it is even harder for someone who loves you to watch without being able to help in any way.

So those are my goals. As I said earlier, I plan to accomplish these by reflecting on the significant and meaningful events that have taken place in my life over the past few years. I have a few unique ideas of how I want to write these posts, but if you have any ideas, please feel free to share them with me. I welcome your input.

For those of you who choose to visit my blog, I hope that I am able to tell my story well enough so that you leave feeling inspired, thankful, and blessed.