Sacrifices of my family

I went to see my doctor this morning. I was supposed to have my next chemo day tomorrow, but because of some low blood counts, my doctor decided to push it to next week. More chemo will reduce my counts to possibly dangerous levels, and as I am just coming off a gamma knife brain radiation treatment, my doctor doesn't want all the hard work and sacrifice we've put in up till now to be ruined because of some other serious complications that could arise. Good decision.

So that means 4 straight days with no doctor's visits. What will I do with myself?

My family is busy fasting as it is Ramadan for us right now, a month that demands incredible sacrifice and patience. Just the fasting alone is a challenge, given the long days and the intense heat, but my family (my parents and brother) have been asked by God to go above and beyond, which they have and continue to do everyday.

This is now the third Ramadan we've spent with me going through some kind of treatment. In the fall of 2007, I was staying at UCLA hospital for three weeks for a stem-cell transplant, all 3 of which came during Ramadan. I remember how difficult it was for my parents. The room was small and dark, but I was suffering so much from that treatment, they decided to sleep there on an uncomfortable couch not even big enough for one person.

Every morning before sunrise, as is required during Ramadan, they would wake up and take a little food out of the tiny fridge in my room, heat it up and eat it, say their prayers and then try to catch a few more hours of sleep. Then, after sunset, they would do the same thing. They never ate well, just enough to barely fill their stomachs, and it was mostly all leftovers from the small room fridge.

They were, of course, exhausted and mentally drained from the fasting, and physically sore from their terrible sleeping arrangements. As if that wasn't enough, my treatment was not going well and I was very sick, so they were incredibly stressed. At many points I wasn't even well enough to sit up and talk to the doctors, so they had to do everything for me.

To make matters worse, I would end up waking them up in the middle of the night to help me with different things, so they really never slept for more than a few hours at a time.

I was often awake when they would get up to eat, and I'd watch them with sadness, wishing they could have been in a better situation. Somehow, amazingly, they made it through the month successfully, their faith and courage pulling them along.

Then, in the fall of 2008, we had to leave in the middle of Ramadan to fly to Indiana for another stem-cell transplant. None of us wanted to be displaced from our home and community during the month, but we had no choice. But again, my parents toughed it out, my dad never missing a single fast or prayer. He was a machine. I handled the treatment in Indiana far better than the treatment in UCLA, so my parents were slightly less stressed. They even let me out of their sights a few times, sleeping back at our temporary apartment, but then coming right back in the morning.

And I haven't even mentioned my brother, who was going through an intense pharmacy school program both years and didn't have the luxury of being with us. He had to do both months alone living in his dorm room trying to focus on his studies while the rest of us were going through tough times, which I know, he was constantly thinking about.

I guess I just wanted to write that I'm amazed at the sacrifices my family members have made these past few years, especially during Ramadan. Most people could not possibly imagine the determination it took to make it through those two Ramadan's with so much additional stress and pressure without breaking down or missing a fast.

I guess some would say that if you have no choice, it just naturally comes from inside of you. But I would argue that my parents and my brother had a choice. They could have chosen to not fast and avoid the additional physical and mental burden. But they didn't, and that makes me very proud to be part of my family.

Because when you have the discipline and determination to push through something, no matter how impossible it seems, you can push through it, and you will hopefully come out the other end stronger.

I'm hoping the remainder of Ramadan 2009 is a much less eventful year, where the only thing my family will have to contend with is not eating or drinking from sunrise to sunset. Piece of cake, right? I shouldn't have mentioned cake.